It Hurts!!!!

Tonight I'm wishing I was someone else. I'm wishing I didn't have to face this mound of issues, I just want to move on to more exciting things. I'm wishing I didn't spend all last night crying and all night tonight sorting through the wreckage. What do I do next. I know I'm not God but I feel like I have a glimpse into his heart right now and I feel like I understand a fraction of how hurt he must be knowing he can't control a person's free will. I hate selfishness. I hate being so concerned with my own needs and my own hurts. It's hard to let that go and to focus on someone else's needs instead. I know life comes in seasons; I know that this season isn't one I'm going to enjoy. My only hope is that I make it through it and have learned many lessons. I'm going to have to take things a day at a time and spend most of that time in prayer. The scripture I'm trying to apply to my life right now is Phil 2:3..."do nothing out of selfishness or empty conceit but with humility of mind consider others as more important than yourself." Basically that means defy every aspect of being human. I'm not very good at this. Maybe if I had a child I would find this lesson in life to be much less of a challenge, but as of right now it is. ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!!!!!! That's what I want to focus on, fixing me. But I know I can't. It's now about fixing me so that not only myself can have peace but also my husband. It's not a one man show....don't you love the lessons the first year of marriage brings our way. I have no intent on pretending that this is easy; for those of you just entering marriage.....be prepared for some hard work.

I do love being married, it's simply not the easiest thing to do. I'm going to bed now. I will get through this, we will be stronger in the end. God I need you. *deep breath* I'll report back soon...let me go now and struggle with my human nature.