Falling Into Place This Fall

...what am i hearing? Nothing but the sounds coming from my stereo; and I have nothing but time on my hands. I have literally been going non-stop since August. It feels good to have nowhere to be. I left for DC and spent a week there, then worked almost every day for a week, then packed up to drive to Indiana. We were there a week and then drove to E-City-then to Rutherfordton-then back to E-city-then back to Rutherfordton, then to Orlando...and finally after 30 days I'm home. This down time will be short lived because we have less than a month to be out of our apartment. My trip ended up being a series of projects. While in Indiana, the most relaxing part of the trip, I had a bicycle accident and flipped over the handle bars into a huge patch of poison ivy. I severly hurt my back and still have yet to get an x-ray but thinking i may have to since the pain is still there 3 weeks later. I got poison ivy as well. Joy to the world. Then I had to sit on my itchy ass for 15 hours while we drove to NC. Not exactly a great ride. Once in NC it was party mode for the upcoming wedding. The bachlorette party was interesting...i have photos I'm not allowed to post. We had a week till the wedding to I went to Rutherfordton and helped Kristen and Aaron with their huge project. Cleaning a hoarding house. It was the most mind blowing thing to walk into a house that was completely full of stuff piled to the ceiling and only paths that go from room to room. This project was something I just wanted to tackle. We worked for hours and got a lot done. Then I had to go back to e-City for the Josh and Loreli's wedding....UGH! What a horrible idea, why did I ever agree to be the photographer. I initially had said that I didn't want to be the photographer when he first asked me, but Josh got the best of me by begging...and I finally agreed to do it. Long Story...a separate blog for that story. Anyways wedding over..thank God! Then I get sick not to mention I still have poison ivy this entire time. I stayed in the bed at moms house for 3 days and then ended up on the road home....following Kristen and Aaron. I was supposed to stay in Orlando with them until the 9th, but that fell through because of some unfortunate circumstances. Granted, there were many good times on this trip but I feel like if it weren't for bad luck on this trip I wouldn't have had any at all. I did get to meet my sister-in-law Shawna and her husband and their two kids in Indiana. It's nice to finally have met most of my nieces and nephews. I still have 3 more to meet at some point.

However, being in E-City at the Pelican Marina again sparked something in us. We remembered how fun it was to live at a marina. It's such a laid back way of life, and the people around you are so positive and fun. I miss that atmosphere. We both decided we wanted to move to a boat when we got back. We live in Florida, why not live on the water. We have found a boat already that is perfect. It needs some TLC but it will be the perfect fit for our little family. We will be able to bring a few pieces of furniture on it with us, but most of our stuff we will be in storage. In this economy it helps to cut costs where you can....this move will be a huge help when it comes to saving money. I'm so excited.

I fell in love with the countryside in Indiana. There were miles and miles of rolling farm land and beautiful tree covered hills. The farms were so beautiful out there. It's old country, it feels like time moves slower up there. There are no big lights or buildings, you can see all the stars at night. The caves are awesome, there are definitely a lot of beautiful places to explore. We were there just as the leaves were starting to change...if only I had been there a couple weeks later. That would have been spectacular. I started looking at the real estate magazines while I was there and realized how cheap it was to live there! I made up my mind that I will own some land up there in the next couple years and then I want to build a log cabin on the land in the future. I'm already getting the design drawn out, it's fun to actually design my vacation home! We are going to build a barn first, it will have a guest house above it. We will stay there while the cabin in under construction. Our timber will be cut off our land and then taken to a saw mill to be cut; once the boards are cut we will store them in the lower half of the barn to dry. Once dry we will treat the wood and then begin building over the basement. It's just a vision now, but it's on it's way to becoming a reality! I'm very excited about this.

All in all things are going well. It feels good to be moving onto a boat. I'm rather bummed out that I'm not going to be able to spend any time with Kristen in Orlando, but that life. Can't always get what you want. I'm probably going to pick up some shitfs this week since I have nothing else to do. Then again we have to find a marina....I think we will end up at Maderia Beach Marina. I'll update later!

The Ginko Leaf

[this is a picture of my sister and & in the fall of 1996 raking "OK" in the yard of yellow ginkgo leaves]

Sarah and I just got back from Washington DC. We met our Dad and his wife Karen there on Tuesday. Dad wanted to go to the Restoring Honor Rally on the 28th. It ended up being a GREAT experience. While we were there we went to several of the Smithsonian museums, saw the monuments, and ate some wonderful food!!! In fact I think I ate the best meal of my life there. Anyways while we were walking around we were passing Ginkgo trees left and right. The leaves were just starting to turn yellow on the edges. I mentioned something about how pretty it would be to have a ginkgo tattoo. It was pretty much a 2 minute conversation for my sister to enthusiastically agree on the concept and we then started to look for a tattoo shop with good artists. I think she and I both were itching for a new tattoo, but even more so this tattoo has special meaning to both of us.

While Sarah and I were growing up we lived in Jonesboro Arkansas. We had the biggest Ginkgo tree in the state in our yard. It was growing beside the 7 ft brick wall that surrounded our back yard. We spend countless hours in that tree playing "spy" and just pretending that we were whatever we wanted to be. One year Sarah fell out of the tree onto the brick sidewalk outside wall...that was scary! In either September or October the leaves would turn a bright yellow and fall; covering our back yard with yellow ginkgo leaves. To say the least when I think of the ginkgo tree I think of sisterhood. I think of growing up and the memories we made; it captures a time in my childhood that was the happiest. It's pretty hard to describe how many emotions and memories a leaf can contain. I'm sure in Sarah's mind she has a different set of memories when she looks at the same leaf.

While in DC I learned some very interesting things about Ginkgo Trees...

#1 The Ginkgo Tree was the only tree to survive the Hiroshima's bombings blast site.

#2: The Ginkgo is a prehistoric tree. Many different ginkgo species that are now extinct are found in the same soil as the dinosaurs.

#3: The word ginkgo means "long life".

now i havent done the research on all that yet...so i'll report back to tell you which are true.

random thoughts and statements in my head right now

I really need to get out of the house and go to the bank!

I sure wish we knew where we would be living in less than two months, i wish we could find the right house.

Debt free is in sight!!!!

I hope Brittany will be able to pick up my shift this Sunday. I just wish I didn't have to work the Warped Tour too....I've been trying for 6 weeks now to visit this church that only has night services and this will be one more week I won't be able to go.

I wonder if the devil is trying to keep me from being able to go to this church.

I wish I was a better people person and that I was more comfortable talking to people I don't know well. If I was better at that it would change how I can build our business.

I need to start working on the extensive Christmas presents I'm making this year. I've already started my salvage art projects though. I'm making for friends & family...it's kinda my art right now. It's fun to give someone something that you made, not bought. I like going to peoples houses and seeing something I put effort into on display or in use in someone home. It's a very cost effective way to do Christmas.



Here is an old tie rack that I'm converting to my necklace holder!

Ooo, after typing that it really motivated me to go start making them!!! - AFTER I go to the bank. UGH! Responsibilities.



My new bedroom rocks!!!




I need to start pushing myself with P90x. I've not been Bringing IT like I could. I haven't been sticking to my diet either, so I'm back on track this week. [this pic in the am before I had eaten that day. thats always the best time to take pics for me.



I feel like I'm 12 when I wear these soes, but they make me happy.

YOGA

Well today was my fourth p90x workout and I'm loving it! It's hard but I feel good after it. However, I think that Yoga is going to be something I continue doing on a regular basis after I finish the program. I really enjoyed it today. I love how completely flexible I was after my workout was finished. I took my before pictures, and I'm really excited to see where I will be after the first 30 days. More than anything I just want my endurance and flexibility to increase. I really do want to run at least a half marathon this year, and I believe that p90x will give me the boost I need to be capable of training.

On another note, Jamie and I are officially business owners. It's very cool. We are apart of a world wide marketing business and it has so many facets that there really is a way for everyone to make money in it. If you guys are interested in supporting us I can send you my website and I can get you set up with a customer account. We are in our first week and we have a wonderful team of positive people backing us up and trying to help us jump start things. There are products from food to computers to make up to cleaning products. We are excited about the opportunities, the only thing that can get in our way is ourselves at this point. With our team and our education department it's pretty much fool proof.

I'm worn out, tomorrow is Friday and I'm going to knock out another work out and try to get my mom's pictures organized the rest of the way. I'm going to get a hot bath and then read a book for the rest of the evening.

Day 2 of P90x

I STARTED p90x!!!! Yesturday was my first work out and today I feel it all over. I did the core synergistcs video first. Today is cardio and ab ripper. It's nice to be sore, I'm not so sure I'll like the feeling in a few days from now concidering I'm working out every day this week. I'm very thankful for the book I mentioned in my last blog, it was the extra boost I needed to get me off my butt and to quit making excuses.

I've got a few days off to get some stuff done around the house, and in town. I'm going to read all day tomorrow, I'd like to finish that book. We have a meeting for our business tomorrow night as well. I'm excited, Jamie and I have branched out in faith to try our wings at something new. Hopefully we will be able to generate cash and make some extra money. Well this is a short blog, I dont have much to say.

= ] bye bye

BIG CHANGE

I have decided to take the lemons I've been handed and make lemonade. I know there is so much more I can do to make my own quality of life, and that of my husband, better. I've spend the past couple weeks hurting, crying, seeking answers to questions that are far beyond my reach only to realize that I can do nothing about it. I'm only hurting myself by staying so upset about everything. I've started reading the book 'The Magic of Thinking BIG' and it's already changing the way I see myself and others. Even more so it is changing how I want to react to situations in life and the type of attitude I want to have. I've always been more on the pessimistic side of life and I never have liked it. I know it's not natural for my personality type to be super upbeat when things get rough, but who's to say I can't change me. I'm at the point now where I don't want to look at things and say "I can't" or give excuses for why something can't be done. I know it's not going to happen over night but I'm ready to begin doing a remodeling on my heart and attitude. I'm ready to stop looking at ministry like it's a mountain I can't climb, and stop thinking that I'll never really open the photography studio I want so badly. I'm going to speak my goals and trust God with the rest. All this stuff I've known and heard before but I never cared enough to put forth the effort to make the changes in myself. For 23 years I've allowed negative thoughts to take ground over positive ones, but starting now I've got a new outlook. I'm writing scriptures and positive sayings on 3x5 cards and putting them in my house in random places to encourage me.

I'm DONE sulking and letting the bad situations around me bring me down. I'm DONE feeling sorry for myself. I'm DONE sitting at home making excuses for everything I'm not getting done. Monday [a.k.a. tomorrow] I'm starting p90x. No more excuses. I'm going to think positive and push through and make a difference in my health. I'm not going to think about how much better it would be if I had a partner to do it with, or if I had someone to help me with my diet plan or if I didn't have asthma. No more excuses. NONE. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life living only 50% of the time. I want to enjoy and get the most out of my life 100% of the time. Instead of thinking I can't, I'm going to think of how I can.

"The right attitude and one arm will beat the wrong attitude and two arms every time"

STORM

I don't think i can handle anything else emotionally right now. I can't talk to anyone about whats going on, and things just keep compounding. I don't want to talk to anyone at this point because I have nothing happy to say and I have to keep everything else confidental. I'd rather not have to fake a conversation like I'm okay. I'm angry; Actually I don't even think I'm that anymore, I'm numb. I just want all this to be over with and in the past....and I want peace. I don't understand why all the bad things have to hit right at once. back to back to back. Can I at least cope with one thing first before I get hit with another. Not to mention my best friend is dealing with a death in her family and we are both spent and can't do anything except sit there in silence on the phone with each other. There are no words of comfort sometimes....just the comfort of having someone hurt right along with you on the other line.

I know how I handle situations in life is my own choice. I just feel like some situations are bigger than what I can cope with and I shut down. I'm frustrated because I haven't found a church here and I know if I had found one that suited us that I would be more hopeful than I am now during all this. I've researched some others that I will visit; I know God will show us the right place. I just wish I had that support right now.

To top all the other stuff off that I've been going through I found out today that instead of getting almost $1000 back for my camera [which would allow me to buy a D90] I'm getting less than $300. There will be no camera upgrade for me in the near future.

Where is the oxygen in here. I have got to let go of some serious stuff. I've cried more tears in the last 2 weeks than I've cried since my last break up. I've been praying and I just wonder where God is right now. This has zapped my energy. I finally have all the stuff I need for P90x and I can barely find the energy to get out of bed. I know this is all the devil right now and he won't win; but he sure is putting up a good fight. God please be near me and my family during everyting happening. Let your will be done, and let me grow stronger as a person and grow closer to you. I'm sorry for trying to control all of this by myself.