Don't Waste My Time

I'm not sure what it is inside of a person that feels the need to shut other people out. I know I've done that in the past, but that usually stemmed from making horrible decisions in my life that I didn't want others to know I was making. It hurts to have someone you care about just drop you "like a hot potato" for no apparent reason. I can't help but feel like it's something I've done. One of my best friends gradually stopped talking to me a couple years ago until the only contact we had was a brief quartlerly exchange on facebook. I had simply accepted that we would never be close again regardless of how much I missed this person. One day a few months ago, out of the blue, I get a call from a familar person! The point of the phone call was basically to explain their absence and to say sorry; from there we started babbling like there hadn't been a lag in our frienship. It felt as natural as breathing to talk again. That was unfortuately the end of it, and since then I have been all but deleted from their life once again. I confronted the situation and got nothing in responce except "i dont know why i did this to you again". I honestly can't figure out why this person even bothered contacting me again; it just opened up an old wound to fester.

I have few friends who I really trust. Now I have one less. I care so much for the friendships in my life! Even though I live more than 10 hours from everyone doesn't mean I want to be disregarded. I believe that a good friendship is 50% 50%. I don't like to be or want to be the only person who makes an effort. I have no idea what to do with the situation with my friend. I guess I should just let it go, it's not worth thinking about since it only upsets me. I am finding it hard not to get hurt though, especially when I know all the stuff we have been through and told each other.

You should know, if you read this, that I have always cherished our friendship. You know more about me than most of the people in my life. I've always been able to be transparent with you; something I rarely find in a friendship. You never judged me, you never were anything less that the greatest friend I could ask for. I just hope you realize I'm not going to sit around and let you come and go as you please. Either you are a friend or you aren't. I don't know if friendships don't mean as much to you as they do to me but there is nothing [other than my marriage ] that I care more about than my good friends. My friends are just branches off of my family in my eyes. I'll be very sad to see you go if that's what you choose to do.