STORM

I don't think i can handle anything else emotionally right now. I can't talk to anyone about whats going on, and things just keep compounding. I don't want to talk to anyone at this point because I have nothing happy to say and I have to keep everything else confidental. I'd rather not have to fake a conversation like I'm okay. I'm angry; Actually I don't even think I'm that anymore, I'm numb. I just want all this to be over with and in the past....and I want peace. I don't understand why all the bad things have to hit right at once. back to back to back. Can I at least cope with one thing first before I get hit with another. Not to mention my best friend is dealing with a death in her family and we are both spent and can't do anything except sit there in silence on the phone with each other. There are no words of comfort sometimes....just the comfort of having someone hurt right along with you on the other line.

I know how I handle situations in life is my own choice. I just feel like some situations are bigger than what I can cope with and I shut down. I'm frustrated because I haven't found a church here and I know if I had found one that suited us that I would be more hopeful than I am now during all this. I've researched some others that I will visit; I know God will show us the right place. I just wish I had that support right now.

To top all the other stuff off that I've been going through I found out today that instead of getting almost $1000 back for my camera [which would allow me to buy a D90] I'm getting less than $300. There will be no camera upgrade for me in the near future.

Where is the oxygen in here. I have got to let go of some serious stuff. I've cried more tears in the last 2 weeks than I've cried since my last break up. I've been praying and I just wonder where God is right now. This has zapped my energy. I finally have all the stuff I need for P90x and I can barely find the energy to get out of bed. I know this is all the devil right now and he won't win; but he sure is putting up a good fight. God please be near me and my family during everyting happening. Let your will be done, and let me grow stronger as a person and grow closer to you. I'm sorry for trying to control all of this by myself.