Last Day of May

Well, tomorrow begins the 6th month of 2010. I can't believe this much of the year has already come and gone. I'm working lunch shift today and then I have all week off pretty much. It's been very encouraging to hear from customers and other servers how good of a job they think I'm doing. I was so scared to be a server after my high school experience in the restaurant industry. even though it's not what I want to do for a long time it's nice to know I'm at least good at it. Anyways, during my days off I plan on spending some time at the beach working on skim boarding. I'm horrible at it but I'd like to get better. Hmmm....i may be covered in bruises if I do try though.

I must say this...I MISS MY CAMERA SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who ever stole it better be getting some good use out of it. I'm so inspired by some of my fb friends. There is one guy who's work is absolutely incredible! He's got such a good eye for very abstract shots. After looking at his stuff it made me want to go take my camera out and try some new things. Alas, there is no camera. *SIGH* There is still so much i want to learn how to do with my camera. I guess most of it actually has to do with learning how to use photoshop. I've never once used it and I need to learn. It's so expensive though.

June is upon us, and I don't know what is going on this month. We had really thought seriously about going to New Orleans but I don't think we can afford it. I guess some of our yardsale money got put in the account and never got taken back out..therefore got spent. I want to go see Seth and Lauren but I just don't know if that will happen or not. :( In July or August we are going to Indiana for Jamie's family reunion, and since I still haven't met any of his family on his dad's side I think that should take priority. We will see. I gotta go to work soon....And i have nothing else to say right now.

Happy Things

*Having overly ripe sweet grapefruit juice running down my face
*Laying out in the sweltering sun until I sweat & then slipping into the cold pool
*A really cold beer
*steel drums
*having people wonder what in the world could be so interesting to take pictures of in a field of grass
*regae music
*how my little dog curls up right next me to all night long
*The feeling of being clean after a hot shower
*Dancing to a song who's beat speaks to my soul.
*I love being completely submerged in water. I wish i could hold my breath forever
*Being served fresh seafood & steamed veggies while I sit outdoors watching the ocean
*how an acoustic guitar sounds in an empty room
*the feeling of pure excitement after a long car ride, when I'm finally rolling into my destination.
*i love how i don't care anymore if people like me or not.

I wish every day could be completely perfect...if i could spend every day outdoors or at the beach or in the water....

Jamie comes home from Vero tonight. I've missed him. I work tonight and tomorrow and then I'll probably have the week off again. I might ride to vero myself & see my father in law & niece. Or I may take Brian up on going snorkling!!! He saw a manatee and got to pet it. I think that sounds pretty awesome. I'd like to do that. I'm happy today. i love being happy. I wish I was always this happy! haha.

NO Wedding Pictures

I'm very sad, my one year anniversary is coming up and I don't have any of my wedding photos or engagement photos. I can't afford them. I don't know what to do about it....I guess there is nothing I can do. I just wish I had asked how much it would cost to buy them. I figured once I had shelled out almost $5,000 that I wouldn't have to spend another $3,000 to just get my hands on the pictures. I got ripped off. I'm going to start a fund and fit it into our budget and maybe in a few years I can afford them. Of all days for my camera to be out of battery [with no charger to be found] and my sisters camera to be lost it had to be my wedding day! My cousins all had to leave due to my Aunt being in the hospital [so she & my uncle didn't get to see my wedding] and my cousin was the one with the video camera.....so I had no video of my wedding either. WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why ME!!! The one thing I cared most about was the pictures and i have nothing. The only ones I do have I took with my camera through my computer screen as i was watching the "slide-show" the photographers sent me.

I'm looking at all my friends and my cousin posting their wedding photos and it makes me want to cry every time because I don't have any. NOT FAIR. If anyone reads this and you happened to be at my wedding and took pictures of it please send me a disk of the photos. I'd love to print some out to send to my grandparents and family.

Sorry to complain but this bothers me so much.

Heart Ties

I don't know if I can even find the words to really express myself right now. I feel very confused about the people in my life that I call friends or still love as a friend. Which ones actually care as much about me as I do about them. I have people in my life who I haven't seen in several years that I absolutely love to death and think about often; sadly I don't know if I even run through their minds. I think one of the worst feelings in the world is having someone who was at one point in time your very best friend just stop talking to you. The reason why doesn't even matter...it's just so sad to watch someone who will always carry a part of your heart just walk away with it. I wonder if I could have done something that would have made a difference in how our friendships have dissipated. There isn't a single one that has "ended" in a fight or even on bad terms; it's been mostly just time and events in our life pulling us in separate directions. I hate that!!! Why do people stop being close to one another just because they can't see each other or because of life just keeps moving forward. I miss my friends....all of them. All the ones I grew up with and never see or talk to anymore. I miss them terribly! it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I miss the ones who are still in contact with me & I'm scared of losing them like I have others. I don't know what I can do to rekindle friendships....I try to always make a gesture to let them know how much i miss them & care about them. So far I haven't felt like any one of them feels how I do.

I know people will come and go in my life, but I don't understand why the people closest to me have to fall away. I want to be 50 or 60 and still be close to the people I love now. I want my kids to know their kids...and I just wish it could be like that more. I don't want to lose any more friendships. I don't feel like people really understand how loyal a friend I am. I've said this before in a blog...my true friends to me are looked at as family in my eyes. There isn't one thing I wouldn't do for them. Maybe I'm ridiculous to think that I can keep friends for a lifetime, but I just don't see whats so hard about it. I'm honestly afraid to branch out here in Florida and make friends because I just feel like the same thing will happen all over again. I just want to know that I mean as much to the people I love as they mean to me.

It's getting late. I doubt I'll be able to sleep but I need to try. I worked all night last night & tonight and I work tomorrow too. Seems they are only putting me on the schedule on weekends. We got a new GM & he has cut everyones hours back to save the restaurant money during the slow season. I'm just thankful he has me working the days I make the most money.

Osprey Island

Lately I'm not really into writing blogs about anything serious, but since I'm not keeping a journal I feel like I should record my adventure before I forget all the details. Jamie got home from work completely tired yesterday. I figured we would spend the evening at home but for whatever reason he asked if I wanted to go kayaking....and I added that we should kayak to an island and camp. So in about an hour we had things all packed up and headed for our launch site. It took us about 20 min to kayak to where we stayed. Since we had to put everything in our kayaks we had to pack light. [2 gallons of water, tarp, 2 towels, sheet, bug spray, a little bit of food, lighters, machete, flash lights] We got to our little island with a little less than two hours of light left. It was about half a mile around...maybe slightly larger. We set up our tarp and then went on the hunt for wood to make a fire with. This was my first time really camping and I loved it! We named the island Osprey Island because there was an osprey that pretty much owned the place. We walked the island and got to explore some. We got a fire going and I pretty much was the one running it all night. My hands are completely raw from pulling limbs and stuff up all night to burn. It was a good fire! I only wish i had brought some marshmellows. The bugs didnt bother us at all and the breeze was perfect. We tried to look for some clams but only found oysters. Thank goodness Jamie was with me because i didn't know you don't want to eat oysters in a month without an R in it. But in the fall I'll be back there to steam some! I think next time we will bring a fishing pole or something too because there were fish everywhere. We just got to enjoy some time together and we are definately going to do this again soon.

I'm headed to work now. I'm closing tonight so I'll be there really late.

I'm Missing Parts

Since May 1st I've been having the time of my life! I've seen just about every state park within 30 miles of my house [there are lots of them]. Sarah and I met up with Matt one night and went to a hookah bar near my house, which rocked! On Thursday Jamie rented us a boat from the base and we took it out and island hopped! We had so much fun, Miller Lite and coconut rum w/ OJ were our two drinks of choice that day. We found so many cool shells and live creatures. It was by far the best day in my opinion; which is very odd because it is also the same day my Nikon was stolen. I set it down to help my sister and Jamie get the boat into the water and when I went back to get my camera [less than 10 min later] it was gone. I was so upset that I had to honestly just ignore it. It's starting to sink in now, i have no camera. I'm very sad about this, but I guess there is a reason for it. Maybe it's time for an upgrade! Friday Sarah and I drove to West Palm to see Sonia and her sweet baby! That was another 24 hours full of fun. We had some great food too at City Place. Now my house is very quiet...Sarah left yesterday morning. I slept almost the entire day yesterday and today caught up on house work. I feel tired still, I'm doing a detox to allow my body to get back to normal. We all drank alot...and I'm going back to the gym today.

All in all it was a wonderful two weeks. I miss everyone so much.

Slow Down Time

May 1st was the beginning of it all; Mom, Kristen, Aaron and Kendalyn got here. We had a lot of fun and went to a lot of beaches. Aaron left on Monday though for a job. Kristen & I took Kendalyn to 2 different aquariums and she absolutely had a blast! One was the Clearwater Marine Aquarium where they do a lot of rehabilitation for animals. The other was a small one in Tarpon Springs. She is definitely a water baby too, she loves the ocean. I'm thrilled to see her around Jamie because she has really taken to him and calls him "jay". I can't believe a week has already passed, that makes me sad. They are leaving Sunday night....but Sarah got here yesterday. I picked her up from the Tampa airport around 9:45 and we headed straight for the pool. I felt bad but I pooped out early last night and came to my house to sleep. I hated to miss the fun while everyone was around but I needed sleep badly! I was cranky. After work today I'm headed back to the condo for more fun. I think tonight is another game night or maybe we will take mom to Pier 60. I'm ready to eat something now. I just want to slow things down so I can enjoy the last day and a half while everyone is still here. I'll write more when I'm not in a hurry.